Why women don’t need to wait for permission—or companionship—to live fully
There was a time when I believed my life would only truly begin when I found the right partner.
Many of us are quietly taught this from a young age. We’re told that life unfolds in pairs—that adventures are meant to be shared, that journeys should have companions, and that dreams are meant to be built side by side with a soul mate.
And of course, partnership can be a beautiful thing.
But what happens when the path you feel called to walk becomes harder and harder to share with others?
I’ve been officially single for about four years now. Like many women navigating being single in midlife, I spent some time exploring online dating. But I quickly discovered something surprising: it wasn’t so much that I couldn’t find men interested in me. It was that it was difficult to find someone who spoke the language my life now revolves around.
The language of awakened spirituality.
Of open-hearted love.
Of intentional living.
Of purposeful self-care.
Finding someone who understands that path—let alone walks a similar one—can sometimes feel like searching for a quiet voice in a very noisy world.
And over time, something inside me shifted.
I realized that I could no longer keep my life paused, waiting for someone else to step into it.
The Quiet Pressure Women Carry
Even when we feel fulfilled on our own, many of us still carry a subtle cultural pressure: the idea that a woman without a partner is somehow unfinished and unfulfilled.
The language we use reflects it.
Words like spinster still echo from older eras when society needed neat labels for women who did not marry. Those labels were rarely kind and were severely limiting.
Even now, people sometimes ask jokingly if I plan to stay single forever.
And occasionally, a small voice inside me wonders the same thing.
Not because my life feels empty—it doesn’t. Quite the opposite. But because the programming runs deep.
That quiet voice whispers things like:
Wouldn’t life be easier with someone beside you?
Wouldn’t you feel safer?
Who will help you when things get hard?
It’s fascinating to examine that voice when it arises.
Because when I look honestly at my life, I realize there is very little I haven’t learned to handle on my own.
Over the years, I’ve renovated most of my home myself—tiling floors and bathrooms, replacing subfloors and drywall, installing doors and trim, building fireplaces and decks. And I’ve been the problem fixer in almost every other area of my life, as well.
With every difficult task I face and overcome, I’m shown something powerful:
There is far more strength inside me than I was ever taught to believe.
So why does this voice persist in saying otherwise?
Letting Go of the Need to Be Chosen
In August of 2024, I made another decision that quietly shifted the course of my life.
On my 50th birthday, I buzzed off my dyed hair to welcome my gray.
After decades of maintaining the dark brown I was born with, I allowed my natural gray to emerge.
I wrote about this in a previous post, My Decision to Go Gray, and the experience taught me something fascinating.
On dating sites where I once received hundreds of “likes,” the number dropped dramatically.
At first, I found it interesting. Then I found it liberating.
Because it clarified something I had been sensing for a long time.
Much of the world still measures women by their proximity to youth.
But I no longer have any interest in competing with younger versions of myself—or anyone else.
Holding this line has become important to me. My gray hair now represents something deeper than a style choice.
It represents a quiet promise I made to myself:
I will not abandon who I am in order to be chosen by someone else.
When You Stop Waiting
Last year, I made another decision.
I decided I was done waiting for someone to accompany me on the experiences I longed to have.
For years, I was comfortable going to coffee shops alone to read or write. But I began gently expanding my comfort zone.
A morning hike by myself at a nearby state park.
Dinner at my favorite restaurant alone.
A quiet drink at a bar with a book.
At first, it felt slightly awkward—mostly because women are rarely encouraged to take up space in public on their own and because there’s a subtle unspoken understanding that people who sit alone are somehow friendless or unlovable.
But something surprising happened.
I began to enjoy it.
There is a particular freedom in sitting at a table alone, fully at ease in your own company. No performance. No conversation to maintain. Just presence…and a building self-confidence.
Encouraged by that feeling, I went further.
Last summer, I booked three solo camping trips, something I’d dreamed of doing since I was a child.
Sleeping alone in my tent some of those nights was not easy. I will admit that. Every unfamiliar sound outside the tent seemed magnified and I felt so exposed.
But with each experience, something changed.
I realized I can trust myself.
I realized I can rely on myself.
And I realized that I am capable and competent.
I loved those trips so much that I’ve already booked five more for this coming summer.
And later this year, I’ll be taking an even larger leap: a six-week solo pilgrimage through France—a dream I wrote about in my post on Becoming an Empty Nester: Identity, Loss, and Discovery.
Am I nervous?
Of course.
But I have learned something important about fear.
Fear doesn’t disappear before we act.
It dissolves because we act.
Practicing the Art of Being on Your Own
If the idea of doing things alone feels intimidating, you’re not alone in that feeling.
Many women were never given the opportunity to practice this skill.
But like anything else, it grows easier with time.
You might begin with something simple:
- Bring a book and spend an hour in a cozy café
- Take a long walk through a nearby park
- Visit a quiet lunch spot on your own
- Go to a museum and wander at your own pace
- Spend an afternoon writing or sketching somewhere beautiful
These small moments help you build a new relationship with yourself.
They teach you something essential:
Your own company can be enough.
Not because you must live life alone—but because you are capable of doing so if you choose.
And that knowledge is incredibly freeing.
Leaving the Door Open—But Not Standing at It
I want to be clear about something.
This reflection is not about rejecting love or partnership.
I remain open to meeting the right person—someone who respects my independence, my soul journey, and the life I’ve built.
As my friend Sarah likes to say, the best way to meet someone is often “in the wild,” where life unfolds naturally rather than through an algorithm.
If such a connection appears, I would welcome it.
But I am no longer standing at the door waiting for it to arrive.
I have places to go.
Experiences to have.
A life to live.
And I now understand something I wish every woman could know sooner:
You don’t have to wait for someone to walk beside you in order to begin your journey.
Sometimes the most powerful step you will ever take…
…is the one you take alone.
