There was a time not that long ago when I hated the small, little ranch I live in.
I never planned to stay in this place for so long. When I bought it in 2005, I was 31 years old, single, and looking for a starter home to avoid throwing my money away on rent.
In the decade that followed my purchase, I made constant plans to get out, jealous of the 3,000-square-foot homes our friends were buying and the fancy cars in their garages. I came to resent this 950-square-foot house in this quiet, old neighborhood and saw the size of it as a measure of how much I was failing at life.
Fast forward through the collapse of my marriage, a failed PhD, the raising of my son half-time as a single mom, a boyfriend that didn’t work out, and a Dark Night that set me on a path to rebuilding my life.
Fast forward through two decades of chasing what others had and measuring my success with a yardstick set by a society that values wealth and consumerism above all else.
As I write this post, I’m cuddled up in my favorite corner of the couch with my favorite fuzzy blanket. My electric fireplace and a lamp light the room in the soft glow I love. Low music plays from a YouTube ambiance video of a Christmas scene.
And I couldn’t be happier with where I am or more in love with this place I call home.
More than this small home that holds us in her loving walls with comfort and protection, I love the simple way of living that I’ve fallen into as a natural consequence of practicing gratitude and being authentic to myself.
I’ve come to realize that if I stop comparing myself to others and really look at what happiness means to me, I love all that I have just fine.
We live like hungry ghosts.
I think often about the way I used to live.
That constant grasping for things just out of reach reminds me of the hungry ghosts on the Wheel of Life (Bhavachakra) in Tibetan Buddhism. In the Wheel of Life, which depicts the levels of existence that souls move through on the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, there is a place called the realm of the hungry ghosts.
This realm is characterized by great suffering. The hungry ghosts have insatiable cravings that are never satisfied no matter how many things they consume.
Doesn’t that sound familiar?
The way most of us today is just like that. No sooner do we get the thing we’ve been craving, then we’re craving something else – something bigger, something “better”. There’s no rest with this way of living.
And certainly, no peace.
Since the COVID pandemic, I see that many of these old ways of living have been reset…at least for those of us exhausted by them. Slower, calmer, simpler ways of living are touted on social media everywhere and the trend has gone viral.
And for very good reason.
As within, so without—and vice versa.
It turns out that if you declutter your house, you start to declutter your mind.
If you keep your space clean and tidy, your life begins to become clean and tidy.
If you avoid looking out at what your neighbors are buying, you can see the value in what you already have.
And if you practice a little gratitude, you can find a lasting sort of peace. Who knew?
Our little abode is a perfect homey oasis where my son and I have plenty of room for personal privacy and to do our own thing, thanks to the basement I finished 2 years ago. It makes me so happy that my son loves this house as much as I do.
What Simple Living Really Means
The way my days play out now, there’s little I allow to stress me out or pull me out of my peace and contentment.
I’ve chosen a job that allows me to work from home in my cozy little office and my mornings are no longer mad dashes to get out the door to sit in rush hour traffic.
Instead, I start my days curled up in my favorite corner of the couch where I sip from my favorite cup of coffee and write in my gratitude journal. My mornings are an ode to stillness, quietness, and simplicity. A perfect way to start the day.
After work, it’s much the same. I share dinner with my son when he’s home and then spend my evenings walking, reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, working out, and meditating.
No stress, no worries, no chasing, no grasping, no craving.
The small house I used to resent has become something truly special in my heart and I regret that I spent my first 12 years here seeing nothing but what this place lacked.
I’m making up for it though.
I’m slowly fixing her up and turning her into the diamond she always was underneath the rough.
And when I get those calls from flippers offering to pay me cash for my house, I tell them kindly what they can do with their money because I have no intention of leaving, no matter how much they’re willing to offer.
The Mindset Shift Required
As I write this and wonder what took me so long to see the value in what I always had, I’m not convinced my younger self had a chance.
I feel like you have to reach a certain level of life experience to realize that chasing society’s symbols of success is an empty endeavor. When you’re in your 20s and 30s, you’re so busy trying to check off the boxes and measuring yourself against everyone else that you can hardly get your head above water to take a good look around.
That’s why I’m so grateful to have the years I have. Now I can see how hollow that way of living can be.
There’s so much societal pressure when you’re young to get a degree, get a good job, get married, buy a house, and have kids, like there’s a pot of gold to be had at the end of that rainbow.
It’s a lie that leaves us confused and empty when we check off all these boxes and find there’s no contentment or satisfaction to show for it.
I really wish we’d teach our young people to be freer spirits, to set more worthwhile priorities, to seek experiences over things. I’m certainly taking my best shot with my son by encouraging him to take a gap year to travel before going off to university.
There’s no rush to sign up as a contestant in the never ending rat race and there’s plenty of lessons to be learned out of school.
Practical Tips to Start Living Simply Today
So, how do you start disengaging yourself from the rat race to find a simpler, slower, more peaceful way of living? I’ve a few suggestions to start…
- Gratitude. I can’t stress this one enough. The simple act of giving consistent thanks for the things in your life can turn your gaze from all that you lack to all that you have. This is a major key to peace and contentment. I highly recommend starting everyday with gratitude journaling.
- Disengage from social media. Every time I open Instagram or X, there’s someone trying to tell me what to do and what I have to buy to be happy. These messages feed the machine of consumerism by telling us we’re nothing unless we have more. Limit your exposure to this type of messaging.
- Declutter your home and keep it tidy. There’s something fresh and light about entering a room that is clean and uncluttered. Place with intention only things you love into each space and purge regularly. This is a way to keep energy in your home from getting stagnant and unwelcoming.
- Don’t rush. Be present for every task and leave plenty of time to get it done. I used to zip from task to task while thinking about other tasks and this led to stress and a poor memory. If you’re not present mentally for something, how can you remember it later?
Plan to arrive at appointments 15 minutes early and only put a couple of things on your to-do list at a time. If you’re mid-task, don’t answer the phone. Finish what you’re doing first. This helps me slow down and keep stress at bay. - Spend time in nature. Take early morning walks at sunrise or stress-relieving strolls after dinner. It’s a proven fact that being around trees and green spaces lowers cortisol (a stress hormone), heart rate and blood pressure. This can lighten your mood and generate feelings of peace. Even a 10-minute walk around the block after dinner can do you good and help you slow down.
- Say no to more things. We tend to want to please others at the expense of ourselves because we’ve been taught that selfishness is a bad thing. Women are especially prone to falling into this trap.
I’m of the opinion that we could use a little more selfishness in our lives, if being selfish means that we’re listening to what our bodies need and what nurtures our souls. If you’re dreading something you’ve agreed to do, either cancel or remind yourself to refuse next time. - Meditate. Sit or lie down in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Pull your thoughts from the office, the kitchen, the date you had last week, and the chores you have to do tomorrow. Put them into the present moment by paying attention to your breathing and how your body feels.
Make a conscious effort to relax each muscle and to slow your breathing. At first, the mind will be like a crazy monkey, pulling your thoughts everywhere but the present. Stay patient and amused, gently pulling it back again and again to focus on your breath.
Start with 5 to 10 minutes and work your way up to longer periods. This will really decrease your stress levels, slow you down, and leave you feeling calm and peaceful. - Take time to be creative. This can be anything from cooking, coloring, dancing, writing, painting, beading, knitting, playing music, etc. Not only do these pastimes relieve stress, but they help you stay present and provide an outlet for self-expression. Completing projects can also boost your self-esteem and give you a sense of accomplishment.
Happiness becomes a very real possibility when you decide to chase peace instead of things. Give yourself permission to live small, my friends, and see if your world doesn’t become a better place to be in when you do.
