For most of my adult life, my unimaginative wardrobe colors consisted of black, navy blue, and gray, with occasional splashes of red, my favorite color.
No patterns. No frills.
And the staples in my closet were jeans and T-shirts with a few dress pants and sweaters thrown in for good measure. I think I went years in my 30’s and early 40’s without ever wearing a dress or a skirt.
With such unimaginative choices, you can guess how stunted my sense of self-expression was.
I blame it on a few factors.
The first is that I grew up in a rural community and formed an early, misguided disgust of anything perceived as girly, which I had come to equate with weakness and helplessness.
The second is that I work in a male-dominated field and sometimes that made me feel like I had to dress very plainly to be taken seriously.
The third factor, which only became clear to me in the last few years, is that I have a tendency to shape my fashion choices by those favored by the men I have relationships with.
For example, after my divorce in 2015, I jumped into a relationship with a younger man who dressed in a style that was a mix of grunge and skater boy. We ended up in an on-again/off-again relationship for about 7 years and during that time, all I wore were ripped jeans and black t-shirts (and I was in my 40’s, for Pete’s sake!).
And it didn’t stop with the clothes I wore.
I kept to hair styles that were tame versions of the current popular styles. I kept my makeup minimal and my nails short and unpainted, which was completely practical (or so I told myself). Jewelry was confined to stud earrings and, if I was trying to be really fancy, a dainty necklace with a small pendant.
All very respectable choices in my limited opinion.
The creativity within me caught fire…
But as I began to embark on this soul journey after my Dark Night, the creativity within me caught fire and I developed a need to break free of everything that had previously contained me.
And that’s when I started to notice what I was choosing to wear and to reflect on the reasons for my choices.
I soon realized that I didn’t know what my style was when it wasn’t influenced by the men I was dating or by my need to project a certain image in a male-dominated work place. At 48 years of age, I didn’t know what I really liked at all because that voice in my head (that I hadn’t even realized was there) was always directing my fashion choices.
It was about this time that I met a new friend through Bumble BFF. Sarah was beautiful, vibrant, and brimming with laughter and smiles! Her bold self-expression completely entranced and inspired me!
She laughingly spoke about embracing her inner goddess and living attuned to that sacred feminine part of herself and I was awestruck. I wanted to embrace my inner goddess, too! Now, this is a topic for another post but suffice it to say that this blew doors wide open for me, in terms of my self-expression!
So, I decided to abandon that old masculine-akin version of myself. I decided to abandon all of my old misguided prejudices, which had kept me stunted and stuck in a shell that was safe. A shell that acted, in a sense, like armor where no one could see a glimpse of who I truly was inside.
I set out to find a new definition of and for myself that gave light to the femininity I’d shunned for most of my life. My new self was taking shape and I loved where she was taking me.
And she deserved a vibrant new façade for her debut into the world!
And that’s where the fun began!
With excitement and an open mind, I went browsing through thrift stores and places like T.J.Maxx and Target. I filled my dressing rooms with bright colors, frills, and pleats. I scoured my Pinterest feeds for inspiration and I went people watching to expand my horizons. I welcomed styles that I previously wouldn’t have even considered and slowly I reshaped my fashion style into a version that was all me!
I also experimented with bolder jewelry, finding that I liked wearing long beaded necklaces layered upon one another and big, bold, colorful earrings that caught attention (and compliments!).
I let my nails grow longer as another more feminine accessory and I watched YouTube videos on how to adopt more dramatic makeup styles.
It was so much fun! I was like a little kid playing dress up!
As this was all unfolding, I turned 50. As I mentioned in a previous post, with that milestone I decided to embrace my gray hair and to welcome my older, wiser self fully into my life. And so, I buzzed off my dyed locks and brought my gray pixie into fruition. Then I went and got my nose and helix pierced! Talk about a radical reshaping of my aesthetic, LOL!
I also made a pledge to myself on my 50th birthday that I was done with wearing anything uncomfortable, no matter how fashionable it was.
In other words, I promised myself that, going forward, I was only going to wear things that felt like comfy pajamas. I was only going to buy into current fashion trends that fit my new directive, or I was going to let them pass me right on by.
The only one I sought to please with my new style was myself and I let my choices ebb and flow with my moods, my needs, and the seasons.
I don’t hide my age – I decorate it!
I love my new self, my age, my gray hair, and my childlike enthusiam for venturing into the unknown. To steal a quote from my Pinterest feed (no source attributed), I don’t hide my age – I decorate it!
Nowadays, if I had to describe my personal style, I’d say its current evolution is where bohemian and hippy meet Elaine Fisher and Banana Republic, but it’s a fluid thing and I have developed a dislike of labels. Labels only put up fences, and I don’t like fences anymore.
I wear a lot of flowy dresses and jumpsuits. I wear cozy cardigans and scarves and I wear Fair Isle wool socks in clogs. In my hair, which is growing out nicely, I wear headbands, barrettes, and pretty bobby pins. I sometimes curl my hair with a curling iron and sometimes I don’t. I sometimes part it on the left, sometimes on the right. I’ve even tried switching up my style of reading glasses!
The point I’m trying to make is that I no longer bind myself to one way of doing something and refuse to consider anything else. Keeping the status quo indefinitely can be, in my opinion, a symptom of being stuck emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
That’s what happened to me without my even realizing it.
I see my body now as a canvas for my creativity.
I see my body now as a canvas for my creativity and I’m excited every morning to decorate it! I also wear whatever I want at any time of day. Keeping a fancy dress in my closet for a special occasion that may or may not ever come doesn’t work for me anymore. So, I wear that fancy dress when I’m just sitting here alone and working at home.
Why not? I’m dressing for myself and no one else! Sure, at first, my teenaged son was surprised and confused when I started changing my style so dramatically but now, he hardly notices at all!
This free flow of creative inspiration has opened doors in other ways for me, too!
In the last 2 years, I have completely redecorated and renovated my little house. I hadn’t realized how long those old pictures and colors had been on my walls! A fresh interior is such an appropriate expression of the new person I have become and an inspiration for more creative outlets.
I’ve created a monster!
If you’re a little inspired by my post today, I’d like to invite you to take on a bit of gentle self-introspection.
Where have things stagnated for you?
As within, so without. A peaceful, creative, loving, blissful interior will eventually see a manifestation of the same in the outside world we create for ourselves. But that works both ways! A fun, colorful, harmonious exterior world can create the same within.
So be creative! Start out small if making a big change terrifies you. Try wearing a color you normally wouldn’t or wearing earrings that are a little more fun than those you’ve worn before. Baby steps!
But with each choice, make them for yourself! Do away with that voice that says, “I look ridiculous” or “My husband’s going to wonder what on Earth I’m wearing” or “This doesn’t look professional”, etc., etc.
Explore yourself and find a fresh definition of and for YOU. The possibilities are literally limitless!
The beginning of freedom.
Break out of your fences and chains in this small way and see how it inspires you to do it on bigger and bigger scales.
Tiny bits of freedom compound and can grow in ways that give you wings! You’ll also come to know yourself a little better, which is key to opening doors that lead to healing and happiness.
I’ll close the post today with another one of my favorite Pinterest quotes (again, no source attributed):
Aging is not the end of youth, but the beginning of freedom.
